Intellectual Intuition: Part 4

Jai was silent on the drive to the cemetery; she was definitely a woman on a mission. I really did not have any idea where we were going, until she told me we were heading towards a Ghost Town by the name of "Hellwater" . Something to do with the water in the area containing a lot of sulfur, thus the name. We drove for several hours, I knew it must be dark by the time we arrived, because we had not left till the mid-afternoon. Jai was still moving with the silent purpose, despite my chatty attempts. She led me to the cemetery, which was behind the abandon church of the town. Then all of a sudden she seemed to snap out of her silence. telling me in a confidential tone: "We have been followed, so I want you to dig while I circle back on the pursuers." The idea of digging was totally unattractive to me. I have long lacquered nails, and have not held a shovel since I was a little girl in the sandbox. Jai seemed amused at my lack of digging skills, and gave me some tips on how to use a shovel. Also I really did not want to be left alone. So I suggested I come along with her: "I know it is dark, so you can use me, I have ears like a bat!" This only provoked more giggling from her. She replied: "I brought my night vision goggles," and added sarcastically: "a girl has got to accessorize, anyway I need you here as bait." So I started digging very carefully, and slowly, you know I did not want to destroy my french tipped nails. I know it sounds girly, but I has spent a lot of time and money on my nails, I don't see men throwing money away. Ok I am wrong men throw money away all the time. Before padding off, she told she told me if I heard anything to hit the dirt. Yeah just what I wanted to hear, I am really not fond of dirt. I must say Jai knows how to move silently, I only heard her footfalls for a moment. Anyhow I was on the third shovel of dirt, like I said I was digging very carefully, when I head Jai's musical happy voice: "Good news Gwen, you do not have to dig! I just got us two volunteers." The volunteers were Mark Wells, and Joe Abbott. They were the ones that had been following us. This put both Jai and I in good spirits. There was no real danger, and I did not have to dig. We ribbed the tow about their lack of trust is us as they dug, and they muttered apologies. Anyhow it did not take long until I heard a shovel hit wood. Jai jumped into the pit and opened the coffin with Joe's help. I could smell right when the coffin was opened, it was bad. I was informed their was a skeleton in the coffin wearing an amulet. While i usually like detailed descriptions, I informed everyone to pass on describing the contents of the coffin. Jai yelled triumphantly: "Got it!" as she grabbed the amulet. I then heard Mark ask: "What is it?" Jai gave a quick and stern response: "That is none of your business! You have done nothing to gain our trust, and it is time for both of you to leave, before I arrest you!" They left. Anyhow, after they left, Jai cleaned the amulet, she knew I was not about to touch it till it was clean after being on a corpse. I traced the outline of the amulet with my index finger, it was an eight pointed star, cut out like a cookie cutter, except for the connecting lines of the points of the star, and a solid circle in the middle. It was about three inches in diameter. I asked trying to sound casual: "What color is it, you know I only wear silver jewelry?" She told me it had a silver color, but had no idea what metal it was made out of, I added; "You know a girl has got to accessorize." She laughed we were well on the way to friendship. Anyhow, after the excavation of the grave there was a lull in the action for a few days. Which gave me some needed time to try to figure out the amulet, and think about my book:"The Visual Bias in Thinking" that I am writing. I went to my favorite coffee house which is only a few blocks from my apartment. I sat outside because there was a pleasant breeze. I do not think sighted people can appreciate a breeze like blind people; I love feeling the air currents on my face and skin. Something which sighted people probably don't notice, since everything that cannot be seen doesn't exist. I was really making no progress on the amulet, try as I might, so I decided to think about my book. I had decided to write an introduction, which I decided to call "How I see the World" this was inspired by a discussion I had with my grad student: Nora. Although I still am suspicious that she is spying on me, but I needed someone to bounce some ideas off, and she had done a lot of work for me. I started explaining my thesis when she asked me that inevitable question blind people get asked: "Do you want to be able to see?" I gave my usual answer: "Not Really!", and I heard the inevitable shock and disappointment as she said "Oh" It is as a blind person I am supposed to immediately acknowledge the superiority of sight, a claim I dispute in some circumstances other senses are superior to sight, and how could I prefer blindness to sight? Well the answer is simple. I was born blind. This means blindness is normal for me. Most people that go blind during or after their teenage years seem to me to be sighted people that cannot see, some do make the transition. So if I was given sight I would be a blind person that could see. I would have to figure out what visual sensation meant. An example would be distant things are said to appear smaller than they really are, except if they really are small. I would have to translate this into other sense experience I am familiar with, I would not be familiar with how to use sight, responses would not be automatic for me. I think this is why sighted people are so astounded when they talk to someone born blind who has no conception of sight, they seem to think we see black all the time. I tell them: "I see what your foot sees in your shoe, just as it is normal for your foot to not have visual sensation, so it is normal for me not to have any visual sensation." Anyhow, I decided to use the title: "How I See the World", instead of using another term for "see', you know Why should I give up the language. I may be blind interloper in the sighted world, but I am not backing down. At least made some progress on the book, since I did not make any on the amulet. And I was getting scared I had a premonition my life would depend on me being able to use the amulet. I mean I did not even know if it was charged. Anyhow, it did not take long, only a couple of days after my excursion to the coffee house, we got a call from Richard Chen. Jai picked me up, and took me to her office at the Police Station. We had decided the intimidation of meeting in a Police Station would give us the advantage. It was the case that Chen and his associates were still holding out on us, and already knew the location where the Cult of Tsathoggua was excavating for the Shaggoth. Chen had sent out Mark and Joe to investigate, and they had not returned. So they still did not trust us. After a sharp exchange,of words, Chen got to the point: "I need someone to find out what happened to them." So he thought of us. Well there was really no one else he could turn to. This is when I got an inspiration on how to charge the amulet. So I told him: "Since you have broken trust with us, we will only help if you swear on the amulet to grant us three future favors" I said it more firmly than I felt, when Richard tried to negotiate, I was ready. This is when Jai jumped in: "Take it or leave it, no negotiations." He took the deal, and gave us directions to the site the Cult was digging for the Shaggoth in the California desert. We decided not to involve the police, when I say we (Jai and Me) I mean Yog Sothoth decided. The reason why we were given this mission was because the Old Ones wanted to keep their existence a secret. Anyhow, Jai took me shopping, to some sort of police supply store. I never knew such places existed. Where my new outfit was tactical pants, tactical shirt, a tactical jacket, and boots that were also tactical. I never knew that tactical was like a clothing line, you know like evening dresses,and swimwear. She also got me a "Sam Brow belt" which is sort of like Batman's utility belt. After I was properly outfitted, we went back to Jai's house. This is where she added a gun, and a flashlight to my utility belt. I actually know how to use a gun (learned during another adventure), but I told her I had no need for either one, especially the flashlight. I was informed that I was just a pack mule, they were extras for her. The flashlight brought up some thoughts like I said I am a philosopher so always my theories are always close to consciousness. Thoughts how dependent sighted people are on light. To me it always seemed a downer to be so dependent on light. I mean most sighted children are scared of the dark, and I have noticed most adults never really outgrow that fear. If you do not believe me place a sighted person is total darkness and watch the panic attack. I think the reason for this is children are never really taught how to get over their fear of the dark, instead of they are just taught to keep it to themselves. If you really wanted to get over a fear of the dark, would you not teach how to move around safely, and do things in the dark. You know there are such techniques, but of course no one has asked my advice. It seems like this fear of the dark is some sort of psychotic part of sighted people, I mean look how much literature, films, etc. are built around this fear. I guess when everyone has the same fear, it is not a phobia. I mean like horror movies. Anyhow, the flashlight was heavy another downer. Anyhow, Jai had me sleep oner at her house the night before we left for the site, probably because she wanted to hurry me up, she has made lots of comments on how long it takes me to get ready. We left in the late morning, and drove until late afternoon to reach the site. We had to walk some distance to get to where Jai could observe and scout the position. She told me she saw the car Chen had described as belonging to Joe Abbott, next to some sort of truck. There did not seem to be any activity around the mine entrance, whatever was happening was happening inside. We ate some nutrition bars, Jai told me it was best to eat lite before going into action, and she was right. I was glad when she decided that we were going in, the waiting around was way worse than doing something, not that I was anxious to meet a Shaggoth. I was scared. I mean, you know back when I was young it was not the blind princess that went to fight the monster, in my version of fairy stories the princess was always blind, but the troubadour knight. After vanquishing the monster the knight would take the blind princess (me) to his castle, where we would live in emotional excess of passion. This was not going like the fairy tale. We entered the mine as it got dark, that is what Jai said. It smelled like dirt. We did not have to go very far when we came upon a vertical mine shaft that had only recently been dug. There was a ladder or at least rungs so we could climb down, Jai of course had brought rope. Jai scouted it, then I went down. Jai then went back up the shaft. I did not have to ask why, I knew she was planting dynamite to collapse the shaft. I tried to make some jokes to break the tension, we were both scared, but they fell flat. You know like dynamite the ultimate accessory. While I was waiting for Jai I took stock of the new tunnel. It was considerably different than the human dug mine we had entered. The tunnel floor was made of some kind of wavy rock, I guess when you move like a starfish this is the preferred type of floor. I knew by the echos that the tunnel was about twice as high as wide. I would estimate it at about ten by twenty feet. Yes, my echo location works great in closed spaces. I walked over to the walls they were made out of the same kind of rock as the floor, except they were polished smooth, except for some carvings; bas reliefs. I ran my hands over the walls the carvings seemed to have the shape of the Elder race. This tunnel was not built by humans. That is why the wavy floors and weird dimensions. Jai finally joined me in the new tunnel. "This is one spooky hole!" I agreed and asked her about the wall cravings. She gave me some description, confirming that the carvings were representations of the Elder Race, not the detailed descriptions I that I get from Jordan, When you are blind you also become a connoisseur of descriptions. Jai's descriptions were more like a view in candlelight than the track lighting descriptions I get from Jordan. I guess it was fitting under the circumstances, also I hope I got that visual analogy right, a challenge, but one I am up for. Jai then asked me: "Which way do we go, I cannot make any sense of this oddly twisty tunnel?" The tunnel led in two direction. I walked around and sniffed the odd smelling air. It had a faint unpleasant odor, that I could not place, but it added to the fear and tension. I ran my hands over the cravings, but they gave me no clue. What did give me the clue was the slight tilt of the floor, I knew without question that we had to go down. Jai seemed surprised that I could detect such a slight incline, so much for the old myth that blind people have trouble with balance. We started down. I was holding Jai's arm more so we would not get separated, my blind senses work really well in tunnels. Jai was right the tunnel had no right angle, but an odd twist, with other tunnels appearing with no order. At least order that a human mind would understand, but I did notice something interesting whenever a new tunnel appeared the tilt in the floor was altered, I guess the elder race uses there starfish feet for directions. So it was easy for me to deep us going downwards. Jai was also marking the way with stickers or something so we could get out fast. I was really hoping we would use the marked path, both of us were getting more scared. the further we went the dread increased, like a physical force. We both felt it, I am sure if we were not together either one of us alone would have turned back. We encouraged each other. If strong emotion binds people together it was working with us. The last fork we took had a steep decent, at the bottom we found Mark and Joe bound, and gagged. Jai removed their gags. They were both urging us to untie them, but I told them: "You are going to have to swear on the amulet to grant us three future favors." Jai added: "Or we leave you here!" They agreed and swore the oaths with alacrity. I heard Jai's knife click open as she cut the ropes. This is when we first heard the sound. It was the sound of something rolling towards us. I knew instantly it was the Shaggoth. The members of the Cult had waited to lure us in, they wanted us all together before releasing the Shaggoth to destroy us. They wanted everyone dead. I dont't know who saw it first, but Jai spoke first. She described it as a black translucent ball with flickers of different colored lights in a black background, around seven feet in diameter, rolling towards us. As it rolled towards us its metamorphic flesh produced eyes at at the top of the sphere only to be reabsorbed before they reached the floor, only for more eyes to emerge at the top. It had an acrid smell. I heard Joe and Mark throwing up. Jai was right about eating light before action. I have noticed when I get into crisis or scary situations an odd calm comes over me, as if the world slows down. I knew I had to gain control of the monster. I fingered the amulet, the oaths Mark and Joe had sworn had increased the charge of the amulet. I could feel its power. I traced the outlines with my left index finger , and then it happened, I made psychic contact with the Shaggoth. Yes, it was disgusting, and revolting. The Shaggoth seemed to have only two emotions: hate and fear. I slumped to the ground, I knew what I had to do. I had to take control of the beast. I had to becoming the homunculus int the Shaggoth's limited mind. The term "homunculus" is a term philosophy borrowed from alchemy. It denotes the little man in the head that tries to check or restrain our emotions. I was the eye in the cyclone or the hub of a wildly rotating unbalanced wheel. I succeeded in stopping it, I had become the little woman in the metaphorical head of the Shaggoth. I again traced the the outlines of the amulet with my left index finger, while visualizing the shape of the eight pointed star. I visualized the star as hovering over the the cyclonic mental form of the Shaggoth with me as the center of the star. Then I mentally brought down the star on the swirling emotions of the Shaggoth. Like a cookie cutter into dough. This divided the swirling mass into parts contained in each of the triangles that made up the star. Dividing the cyclone was the only way to control the mass. Each triangle was a swirling cyclone of fear and hate, but easier to control than one big cyclone. The raw emotions battered against the walls of the star, straining my mental energies. I knew I was going to have to hold this mental image or we were all dead. While I was doing this, two members of the Cult approached from the opposite side of the Shaggoth. The Shaggoth had stopped about ten feet from our position. Jai was holding me in a sitting position. She whispered to me: "Gwen are you alright?" I nodded and told her to get the us out as fast as she could, and that they would have to carry me. She did. As Jai got us moving the big test of my power over the Shaggoth came. The members of the Cult had some sort of a magical prod they used to control the Shaggoth. I was now part of the Shaggoth the hub in its wildly swirling emotions. I felt the terrible burning pain the prod caused, as the Cult members tried to get the Shaggoth to attack us. Fear was overcoming my barriers overriding my control. I almost panicked since I too felt the fear of the beast. What rescued us was mixed with the fear of the prod was also hate of the prod and those that used the prod. I reinforce the hate the Shaggoth felt of the prod and its possessors. I turned the fear into hate, it was surprisingly easy. As the feeling of hate took control of the Shaggoth it attacked the Cult members. It enveloped them with its metamorphic flesh, its body fluids dissolved their bodies, bubbling their flesh and bones out of existence. This did give me a brief and much needed break. Jai had Mark and Joe carrying me, and moving through the tunnel complex as fast as she could manage. It did not take long for the Shaggoth to digest the Cult members, and again I had to maintain the mental image that controlled it. Now that it had eaten it was more powerful, again forming itself into a huge sphere, and hate now ruled the Shaggoth. It hated us and wanted to destroy us. It started rolling towards us. I could not stop it, but did slow it down. Its hatred of humans was boundless. At first I succeeded in slowing it down to a crawl.the fight was draining my energy quickly. I had no sense of time, or how far we had traveled. My control was slipping fast, it was picking up speed. I did what I could. I felt a rope harness being attached to me, and being lifted up. I guessed we were at the vertical shaft, my last thought was Jai really does know how to accessorize if you are going to a was. And I was glad she did. Somewhere in the vertical shaft the Shaggoth slipped my control, and I passed out. The next thing I remember was a large ground shaking explosion. I came to lying on the ground with Jai cradling my head in her lap, in a panicked voice she was asking: "Gwen are you alright? Please come back, wake up please." I actually felt a lot better, the Shaggoth was out of my head, there was fresh air in my nose and mouth, I replied weakly: "Yes I am!" She hurriedly told me it had been touch and go with the race to get out before the Shaggoth could climb the shaft out, and that everyone was safe. I smiled weakly. In an emotion filled voice she told me: "Gweny you did it, you saved us all." I corrected her: "No Jai, we did it!" Needless to say we were friends. We collapsed into each others arms crying and laughing till the emotion drained away.

Intellectual Intuition: Part 3

Anyhow, Jai set up the meeting between us, and the members of The Order of the New Dawn. I dressed for the occasion in a black dress longer than my usual hem, it had a knee length instead of my usual mid thigh hem, but had a thigh high slit up the side. I like to show off, you know. Also wore nylns patient leather pumps and my silver framed dark glasses. I wear silver jewelry, not that I have ever seen a color. I pick my colors from emotional associations that they have for me. Silver puts me in mind of the Moon, and femininity, the Sun seems masculine to me. Weird, but it works. While I was going for sexy and mysterious Jai was going for official, and businesslike. She wore a dark blue skirt suit with pinstripes, and also wore black patient leather shoes, you know, so we could be in solidarity. I must admit we spent more time on how we dressed than what we were going to say at the meeting, but we did not know how it would go. Anyhow, you can only make a first impression once. We met in one of those rooms you reserve at a public library. The Order sent three members: Richard Chen, Joe Abbott, and Mark Wells. Richard Chen was a man of about sixty, of Asian ancestry, and the leader of the group we met. He had an unusual accent that I could not place. When you are blind you become a connoisseur of accents, so it really bugged me I could not place it. I finally broke down and asked. He explained: "I speak eight languages fluently, all with a slight accent. I grew up in a multi-lingual family in France." So I had my answer, another reason I asked was to break the ice, all of us in the meeting were being very cautious. It was clear they did not trust us, and we did not trust them. After all we were servants of the Great Old Ones, while they were sworn enemies of the Great Old Ones. The question being could we from a temporary truce to achieve the shared goal of stopping the Cult of Tsathaggoua. I succeed in breaking the ice, Jai got down to serious negotiations after my question: "We have the message that Brian Stoll was trying to get to you in the binding of the notebook, but we cannot break the code. It seems mutual cooperation would help both of us, since we all want the Cult of Tsathaggoua stopped and destroyed." She said in her most authoritarian police voice. Richard answered: " Alright, we are willing to call for a temporary truce to put down the evil Tsathoggua, but the truce lasts no longer than it takes to thwart the Cult." We agreed. This also confirmed my opinion that Richard Chen was the leader, well at least of the group that met with us. Joe Abbott was the youngest member of the group, he was a black man in his mid-twenties, he impressed Jai as having a military training. Mark Wells was a white guy in his mid-thirties, and as we found out was also the scholar of the group, well at least of the group that met us. They clearly regarded us as an enemy faction.they knew we were servants of Yog Sothoth. my suspicion was that Richard was a psychic, it was only a gut feeling, but proved correct. Jai gave them a copy of the coded message, the original was of course, in a police evidence locker. Mark took the message, and after a brief time told us in a matter of fact tone of voice: "They are trying to release a Shoggoth." He continued in a more excited tone of voice: "This makes sense, why they needed a Geologist slash mining engineer (Brian Stoll). There must be a Shoggoth entombed somewhere near the Mojave desert town of Flatwater. They were giving Brian maps of the area" Jai chimed in in her viola toned voice, I know I keep mentioning the tome, but when you are blind tones and accents make a big impression: "Good, I will get to work on the maps and other materials we seized from the murder scene." After this exchange we traded contact information, and agreed to meet again to compare information in a few days, and come up with a plan of action. So the Cult was trying to resurrect a Shoggoth. I had of course, never encounterd one. They were a slave race created by the Elder Race. They were said to resemble a giant amoeba, like the old movie The Blob". Anyhow, after the meeting, Jai, and I went back to her office. She was getting better at leading me around, I was soon going to learn the reason. When we got back to her office, Steve texted her to deliver some paperwork to Monique. Which brought the angry retort: "At least when I was angry with you, I could lead you into the bushes, or some low hanging leaves" I could not help myself and burst out laughing, she joined me. We were becoming friends. It was Friday night, so she dropped me off at Jordan's place, I was spending the night with Jordan, we were becoming involved, kinda scary, but he is so sweet. When we got up Saturday morning, he went in to brush his teeth, while I lounged in bed, I have always had trouble getting out of bed. When he came back he told me: "Well I tried brushing my teeth with my eyes closed, which went fine,but had to open my eyes to get the floss." O.M.G. I melted, and told him to come back to bed. After lighting some Jasmine incense we spent the rest of the day in bed. Between romantic interludes, I chattered away about my theories, my theories are like my children. I love each and every one, and I talk a lot when I am happy. I talked about my theory of how color camouflages outlines, I wanted to try this theory on a sighted person. Imagine a sentence in braille, but with the difference that every dot in the braille cell is raised, but the sentence was written in dots half the height of the other dots in the cell. This would camouflage the outline of the sentence. He listened and agreed that it was a good analogy. On that note or dot, I also was thinking about braille, since it is one of the blind things that most amazes sighted people. That it is possible to read by tactile sensation, really blows away the prejudice that all information has to be sighed. My new baby theory is that some things read better in braille, since touch has a tendency to bring together while sight seems to divide. I know reading the Bronte sisters, romantic poetry in braille always blew me away. Of course this theory needs more work and research. This of course led to my insight of the visual bias in thinking. That thinking must be in visual terms, this is what prejudices sighted people that blind people are not there intellectual equals. I know some of my sighted colleagues almost seemed insulted when I beat them in arguments. That a blind person could not be smarter than a sighted person, and when they were it really troubled sighted people. I was excited about my insight, but also troubled. I was excited how it explained why sighted people find everything blind people do as amazing, but troubled that the prejudice was such a deep presupposition. And I seemed to be the only person to realize it. Jordan made me feel better, well we made each other feel better. Anyhow, the Old Ones had decided to get my mind back to their affairs. That night while sleeping Rak the hound visited me. Wish I could keep him as a pet. Rak told me to get in touch with Jai, that we were about to get some more help. I arraigned for Jai to meet me on Sunday afternoon, at my apartment. We held hands, and I activated the Monas Stone, which now had become part of me. That strange sensation of going over a roller coaster drop but without the G. forces, and we were guided to the realm of the Elder Race. The dimension of the Elder Race is the halfway point between our dimension and the Dark dimension of the Great Old Ones. It is a cave like cosmos of caverns and connection tunnels, unlike the vast emptiness of our dimension, or or the solid uniformity of the Dark dimension. The laws of physics are also different in the dimension of the Elder Race. There is no up or down, they build on all surfaces, so a city of the Elder Race is built 360 degrees around a cavern, there is no ceiling, walls or floors. When we arrived Jai was overcome with the strange geometry of place, she was suffering from vertigo; telling me how dizzy the place made her feel. I told her in my best professorial tone of voice, to look at her feet till she got used to the dimension. Of course, I did not know if this would work, it was only the second time I had ever been there, but I like to be in charge. She told me in a relieved tone: "You know girl, this looking at my feet is working." I of course, acted like I knew it would, I also really like being right. Anyhow, we did not have long to wait, and one of the members of the Elder Race showed up. One of those odd cone shaped beings, that seems to have a starfish for feet. Like the Dark dimension being blind is not much of an issue in the dimension of the Elder Race, since the Elder Race is also telepathic. I knew the appearance of the entity in from of us, because the appearance was received telepathically. Stimulating the tactile sensations that gave me the appearance. Like I said being blind always seems to lead to the concrete even when you do not want it to. I really had no desire to touch one of the Elder Race. The Elder being spoke to us: "Greetings, fellow servants of Yog Sothoth, I am called Ethirol." We both acknowledged the greetings and gave our names. Ethirol continued: "There is an amulet hidden in an old desert cemetery that you shall find of use." With that he imprinted the location on Jai's mind, and we were back in my apartment. Jai told me to change into my work clothes. She must have noticed my confusion, after all my work clothes are skirts and high heels. She informed me in an amused tome: "I mean clothes you can get dirty, and do some work in." Already I was disliking this mission. I put on some jeans, sneakers, and a t shirt. We then got into her S.U.V. and made a stop at her place; she came back with a flannel shirt for me and a bag of stuff that she did not explain. She then stopped at a hardware store where she bought two shovels. Now i was really hating this idea of recovering the amulet. END OF PART 3

Intellectual Intuition: Part 2

Jai came inside with me. I was still in shock bout what had happened. I made coffee for us, doing something seemed to calm me. When the coffee was down we sat down to talk. Jai started the conversation: "When I was young my Grandfather used to tell me about his Grandfather, who was a witch doctor, or obeah man in Mississippi, the family mover to Los Angeles when my Grandfather was young. I loved the stories of magic. and voodoo he uses to tell. I was reminded of those long forgotten stories of my youth when I investigated you, I realized magic was in my blood, so I took steps to show my willingness to join up." My shock and astonishment was wearing off. I also realized this was the longest conversation I had ever had with Jai. I am not counting the interviews around the Hartman affair when I came into the possession of the Monas Stone. I said in an uncertain manner: "I appreciate the help, but I thought you hated me?" I could hear the amusement in her viola toned voice: "Oh, yes, I did hate you girl, do you know the reason?" i replied: "I figured it had to do with the Hartman affair, you thinking I lied, and obfuscated the investigation." I could hear the smile in her voice as she replied: "Well yes that was part of it, but not the real reason. You see, I has a thing for Steve, and then you came in, and girl you really got into that man's head. He could not eat, sleep, or do anything without thinking about you. You see Steve thinks he is the smartest guy in the room, and he could not wrap his head around the fact that you outsmarted him at every turn. I tried to tell him that he was out of his league trying to match wits with you, but that only made things worse. I knew you were something else girl as soon as my first questioning of you. I hated you, because I was jealous how you got into that man's head." At this point I asked the obvious question: "So what happened?" She continued: "I found out last week that Steve is dating Monique Jefferson." I blurted out: "Who?" I could hear the resentment in Jai's voice as she continued: "She is a lawyer in the District Attorney's Office. She is smart, and pretty like us, but she is ambitious, career orientated, and very normal unlike us" She continued in the same tone of voice: "That is why we were arguing, Steve wanted me to run some errands that would make things easier for Monique, things for a case." The tone of voice she said Monique" in use to be reserved for my name. She went on: "Anyhow, as you say, Monique does not want Steve on those spooky cases as she calls them. So I will be the lead detective on the Brian Stoll murder. I have some ideas, and am tracking down some leads. I do not think Stoll was a member of a death cult, he was a father and grandfather, he was sixty eight years old, something does not seem right. When I get some facts we can sit down again and plan, girl." I had forgotten, or I guess never realized how aggressive Jai was. Of course, we had never had a polite conversation before. I was also surprised Jai had been jealous of me, from what I had hear she was a bronze goddess; she was 5 feet 9 inches being taller than me, and still had the lean body of an athlete. She has been a track and field start in college. Anyhow I agreed, and she left after we traded phone numbers, emails, etc. After she left, I decided that after Jai's not so subtle comments about my teaching, that I should work on my lesson plans. I guess I should take teaching more seriously, but it is hard when all you have is introductory classes filled with students that just want to get the required credit. One thing I could do better is take more time with my grad. students, I resolved to have a conversation with Nora my grad student T.A. Jai kept in touch with me, but did not share much about the investigation she preferred to wait till she had something substantial to share. She was also right about Steve he was trying to distance himself from "spooky" cases. I actually felt jealous and put out about Steve having a girlfriend, I guess it is that feminine psychology again. My new dedication to teaching started paying dividends almost immediately. I was walking next to the parking lot at the University where I teach when I heard Department Chairmen Tom Garcia's car pull up alongside of me. I recognized the sound of the engine, I know this is amazing to sighted people, but it is really not that hard to do. Of course, sighted people never trust any sense other than sight. A sighted friend told me once when he picked up a pencil in a dark room, he still had to check in the light for confirmation it was a pencil. Sad, but true. Anyhow, I turned towards the car and said: "Hi, Tom how is it going?" His response even though predictable caused a me to have one of those ''aha' moments, a huge insight into my thesis on the visual bias in thinking. He replied: "You know Gwen, sometimes I think you can see." I guess that is supposed to be a compliment. He continued: "I just wanted to tell you, you are getting a Medieval philosophy class next year. Keep up the good work" After the exchange of pleasantries he drove off. So my new found diligence had paid off. It also made me wonder if my T.A. Nora had talked to him, but that is for another time. Getting the class was not the most important thing for me, it was my new found insight. Even though I have heard the phrase "I think you can see" many times this time it triggered a revelation, and breakthrough in my thinking. I finally understood the nature of the visual bias. So I quickly walked home, and drew a bubble bath. I do my best thinking in the tub. Anyhow, I wanted to thoroughly enjoy my Kepler moment. Kepler has said he experienced a moment of euphoria when he worked out the revolutions of the planets. I had discovered the fundamental assumption of the visual bias. That all knowledge must be made to conform to visual knowledge or sighted experience. There are many common errors in thinking,but this one in spite of it being so widespread is easy to refute. It is not sight that experience and perception have to conform to, but tactile, or tangible experience. I am a big fan of tactile experience. John Locke's primary qualities, and whatever information we receive from the sense must always be translated into tangible knowledge or it is useless. i joke about the sighted world, but there is only one world, that of bodies interacting is space. That is why it is called physics, and not visicks. As I said jokingly in my lecture on Molyneux's problem, sight is a tangible illusion, like an image in a mirror, or an echo; sight must always be referred to something else. That something else is of course. tangible qualities. Now I understood why sighted people are always suspicious of anything they cannot see, because they assume that all knowledge and thought have to be visual. If that were true blind people would not be able to think much less navigate the world. I must say I was enjoying my Kepler moment. I almost wished I has told Tom: "I feel bad for you that you are so pathetic that you cannot trust any sense but sight. It would seem you live in a very one dimensional world if everything must be made to conform to sight, my world is much more textured." Almost, I had, had trouble with sarcasm as teenager, but what do you expect when you tell a romance starved teenage girl that she is inspiring? I mean what do you say when someone tells you, you are inspirational? You know I wanted to say something, being a teenage girl. So at first I tried being humble, with something like: "Well I do not try.", but that was not me. So I changed to: "Yes I know, people have told me that thinking about me brushing my teeth alone in the dark is the only thing that got them through a disfiguring illness." or "a painful divorced", you get the idea. Anyhow that is when my Mother started calling me a sarcastic bitch. Of course not in front of my face. Well sometimes in front of my face, well quite a lot in front of my face as I think back. Anyhow the incident also decided me to dedicate my book on the visual bias to William Molyneux's totally blind wife, Lucy who taught Locke and her husband that sight only reveals secondary qualities. Anyhow, a few days later Jai came over with news. After the greetings and pleasantries, she asked me: "Have you ever head of The Order of the New Dawn?" I told her "no" I had never heard of such a group. She continued: "They are a group that is trying to free humans form the influence of the Old Ones.". I had heard that such groups exist, but had never encountered any of them. Jai explained: "Remember that leather bound notebook you pointed out was rebound? It contained a coded message. It seems Brain Stoll was a member of The Order of the New Dawn that had infiltrated the Tsahaggoua cult." I asked her for her suggestions on how to proceed, and she had one. "We can contact them I have the coded message, although I have not broken the code. We can use the message as a bargaining chip" Since this seemed the only option I agreed. It was good to have help, although still thought I should have more authority in the cult of Jai and me.

Intellectual Intuition: Part 1

Once upon a time while I was luxuriating in my bubble bath an eldritch beast appeared. I always wanted to start a paper with "Once upon a time" so I decided this was my opportunity. Anyhow, I was luxuriating in my bubble bath with a scented candle, I found myself floating in the dark dimension summoned by one of the Hounds of Tindalos. This may sound strange,but I was getting used to these summons to the dark dimension. When the Great Old Ones want to reach you they don't text or call. Anyhow, this particular Hound was one I knew, his name was Rak. And he was always very gentle with me. I kind of like him, not that I had warm, fuzzy, bunny feelings for him, well maybe sometimes. I guess I am an eldritch animal lover, or better a lover of eldritch animals. The Hounds appear as bat-like creatures with dog faces. Of course, this is just an analogy that human minds make. The entities that dwell in the dark dimension are more like thoughts in a mind than physical beings. Anyhow, Rak had a message for me. That I the Cult of Tsathoggua was going to try to unleash a powerful destructive force into the world, and I was supposed to help stop it. I guess I have some explaining to do here. There are different factions in the dark dimension, and my god Yog Sothoth is opposed to Tsahoggua. Tsahoggua can best be described as a god of death. He wants to bring about a state of total entropy. So Yog Sothoth is a natural enemy, since Yog Sothoth concerns are for intensity and novelty. This is not to confuse Yog Sothoth with a benevolent god, he has no interest in good or evil. Rak told me on this mission I would be getting help, that I had moved up in the estimation of Yog Sothoth. As I said Rak was always very gentle with me, so it was not a bad experience, anyhow was getting bored ready for an adventure. After the message found myself back in the tub, but the water was cold. So I was not surprised after getting dressed that I found a text on my phone form Detective Steve Jenkins asking me to contact him. Which I did, and found myself quickly picked up by a police officer and transported to Steve's office at the station. Steve's difficulty was a geologist by the mane of Brian Stoll, who was found dead from an exotic poison. The main clue being he was clutching a leather notebook in to his chest. The notebook contained arcane symbols, and incantations to Tsahoggua. I was Steve's occult expert. He told me there were many drawings of a toad like humanoid in the notebook, which did not come as a surprise, considering my earlier meeting with Rak. So I told him that Brian Stoll was probably a member of the Cult of Tsathoggua. Steve explained his theory, hunch, whatever:"I have a hunch this notebook holds the key to this, there were books, and papers scattered around the room of the murdered man like he was looking for this particular notebook. That it is important. He died with this notebook clutched to his chest." So I asked to hold the notebook. Not that I have any psychometry, but just to see if I could pick up anything. In that I am totally blind it was a long shot. Anyhow, he gave me the notebook. As I ran my fingers over the surface of the book, I noticed a break in the cover. So I casually said: "This book has been rebound, and it seems a crude attempt." Like I said I did not think I was offering any new information,but the reaction was dramatic: "Let me see that" Steve said as he grabbed the notebook out of my hands. I was more amused than angry, I am writing a book about and with the title:"The Visual Bias in Thinking". It seems sighted people always have to verify any and all information by sight or they doubt it. Being totally blind I have learned to trust my other senses. His reaction also told me he had not caught the rebinding by looking at the book. In researching my book I learned that in World War 2 they sometimes used men that were color blind to spot camouflaged positions. That color can conceal as well as highlight. I have become a student of the sighted world, it is amazing how much my perspective as a blind person has revealed to mt about the extent, and limitations of sight. I know it sounds funny to say being blind has allowed me to see blind spots in sight. I guess the term "notice would be better, whatever. It just goes to show how deep the visual bias is in thinking and language; that visual metaphors are everywhere. I guess the old saying is true: "that you cannot see the forest from the trees", and vice versa. As a blind person I have sort of a third person or overview of the sighted world. But is that what philosophy is all about, trying to gain different perspectives on the world. I mean look at Nietzsche, and Wittgenstein both were pretty loony, but there looniness gave them a different way of looking at familiar things and ideas, that ultimately enriched human understanding. Oh, did I forget to mention I am a philosophy professor. Anyhow, I told Steve what I knew about the Cult of Tsathoggua. As I was finishing up, Jai came in. Jai Tower is I guess Steve's sometime partner, she also hold a great dislike for me. There was obviously some sort of tension between the two of them today. Steve told her in a sharp tone: Don't lie to me, Jai if you do not want to do something just tell me!" I knew without any psychic help that he wanted to add "If I want lies I have Gwen (me) for that". This seemed the perfect opportunity to test a new theory I was working on. The way I had gotten into philosophy was through my teenage obsession with Romantic poets. And the poet I loved the most was Novalis. Novalis had said somewhere: "that women want the intellectual sensualized, men want the sensual intellectualized." Even thought little thirteen year old Gwen Chu did not grasp the quote, I was totally in love with the quote. Novalis became my romantic ideal, you can probably imagine how much trouble this caused me with the real boys around me, but the topic of smart girl problems with boys and men is to big of a topic for me. My PhD thesis had been on F.H. Bradley's content-clarity thesis. That emotions possess content, while intellect give up content for clarity. The perfect example being math; it is all clarity with no content of its own. That is why math is good for almost everything. I am telling all this because the emotion-intellect distinction is a life's work with me. So I spoke up not to defend Jai, but to test out my new theory in female-male communication: "Women never really lie to you." I said. I heard a disgusted grunt from Steve, and then he replied: "I know I am going to regret this, but lets hear your theory" So I leaped into action, I was happy to have an opportunity to test my theory" "Well you have to understand that women communicate through emotion, we try to share our emotions with you, and emotions don't lie. This is why we sometimes say things that seem to counterdict what we are trying to communicate. If you only listen to the words, you are missing the message. Like only 10% of an iceberg is visible. Can we help it that most men are emotional paralytics. Most women broadcast their emotions loud and clear, is it our fault men are too numb to get the message." Of course the opposite is true women are always reading more into what men say, than they mean. I have found in practice to always assume men mean a lot less than they say. I learned later Jai was nodding her head in approval. Steve grumbled: "I knew this was a mistake, arguing with one of you is infuriating, both of you would be insane." He continued: "Since your two finally agree on something, why not let Jai take you home" Both of us agreed. It was only a short drive from the police station to my apartment. Jai navigated me to the car; she was getting better at navigating me around, she could be a disaster sometimes. We drove to my place in silence, I guess neither one of us wanted to break the fragile truce between us. She pulled up to a space in front of my place, and then it happened. I felt myself being pulled into the dark dimension, where Rak was waiting, but Jai was being pulled in also. It is like going down a roller-coaster drop but without the G force.i tried to make mental contact with to tell her I was not doing this, but there was no response from her. Rak and Jai seemed to be in communication with each other I was left out of the loop. I mentally heard her say: "I am in." Then Rak spoke to both of us. "Gwen here is part of the help you were promised, Jai you are now a servant of Yog Sothoth!" And then we were back in the car. I was shocked to say the least. I stammered out: "Why?" A quick sharp response came from Jai: "You are not the only one who is interested in occult knowledge and power!" Again I stammered and stuttered: "I did not know you were interested in occultism." Jai's voice which reminds me of the tome of a viola, said in an amused tome: "I wasn't till I investigated you" Things were defiantly going in an unexpected direction.

Molyneaux"s Problem: Part 2

Molyneaux's Problem: Part 1

It is hard to say when an adventure begins, what ties a series of events together? So I have to make a choice where to begin this episode in my life. I had received a summons (email) to have a meeting with the Chairmen of the Philosophy Department where I am an associate Professor of Philosophy. The meeting was on a sunny southern California afternoon; a Friday afternoon. So I put on jeans, sneakers, a nice top, and grabbed my straight cane. I am totally blind, no light perception. I also wear dark glasses to cover my cloudy white eyes. It is only a short walk from my apartment to the Los Angeles University where I teach. Cane walking seems to be one of the blind things that sighted people most amazing. While I am not sure how amazing cane walking is, it is considerably different experience than sighted people have walking. There is a definite rhythm to cane walking. At one time I used to imagine myself as a giant living metronome, I should say it is not an unpleasant feeling. It can be wonderful if you have a song in your head, I guess the best analogy I can give sighted people is dreaming, when the rhythmic breathing becomes part of the dream. I guess that is why so many dreams are musical or poetic, but I have come to think of cane walking as more of a dance. Maybe it is the romantic in me. After all moving is space to rhythm is the very definition of dance. Cane walking has another similarity to dance. While sighted people can live in their head behind their eyes while walking, in cane walking consciousness seems to spread out in your body. You feel the texture of the ground under your feet, and with your cane tip. You feel the changes in sound, echos, and air flow from the objects surrounding you. An example that sighted people understand is when you are walking along a sidewalk by the flow of traffic, and enter a tunnel. The sound, echos, the feel of the air flow all change their quality. I am sure most sighted people could probably feel they were walking into a tunnel even blindfolded. I was having these reflections and imagining myself as a ballerina, when my cane struck a fire hydrant that wasn't supposed to be there. Yes I can recognize a fire hydrant by the sound of a cane strike. I has walked a block out of my way. Blindness does have a way of bringing you back to the concrete. Anyhow, I did make the meeting with the Department Chair, Tom Gracia, and realized why I did not really want to make the meeting. He wanted me to get more involved in the Philosophy Department. So I agreed to start a reading group and to give a talk to the Philosophy Club. I chose Plotinus's book "Enneads". Both events were scheduled for the following Wednesday. I should know better Wednesdays seems to be a fateful days in my life. Anyhow, the other thing Tom had to tell me was that he was giving me a new T.A. her name was Nora Mills. I was surprised when he told me she requested to work with me. She was known to be interested in social justice, and political philosophy, while my field was metaphysics. She is also very well connected, her Father is a Professor at another University, and her Mother is a social justice attorney. I have to admit I was suspicious of all this, I do not have the best reputation, some of my occult adventures have filtered back to the school. So of course, I dumped all the work of setting up the reading group and the speech to the Philosophy Club on Nora. After all what are grad. students who want to please you for? I had decided to to give the speech on Molyneux's Problem. This also tied in to the book I am writhing on the visual bias in thinking. Anyhow, 4:00P Wednesday came, time for my talk on Molyneux's Problem. One of the benefits of being blind for me is never having stage fright, when you cannot see it does not matter if you are talking to one person or a crowd of hundreds. To briefly state Molyneaux's problem is to imagine someone who has been born blind that can tell the difference between a sphere and cube by touch. If they were all of sudden given sight could they tell the difference between the cube and sphere by sight alone. The short answer is "no", but it does lead to some interesting insights. In George Berkeley's early philosophy, he argued that visual perceptions must be translated into tactile (touch) or tangible sensation to be of use to us. Visual perception is always must conform to the sense of touch or else vision is useless. In other words, no mater how good you see it does you into good if you walk into walls. From this insight I argued that the visual world is a tangible illusion; sight gives the illusion of touch. Well, none of my audience seemed to get either the philosophy or the humor. Here I was a blind person telling a bunch of sighted people they were living in an illusion, yet I got no questions or comments. So after the meeting I got back to my office to wait for the reading group. This may be the event that really set this adventure into motion. I got a message from Detective Steve Jenkins, telling me he wanted to talk to me. So I messaged him back, and her agreed to come by after the reading group, and give me a ride home. Nora my new T.A. had done a good job at setting up the reading group; I was pleasantly surprised. With my new T.A. there were five members in the group. Nora had followed my instructions to have everyone bring a copy of the book, so they could take turns reading and then discuss the reading. The time went quickly, and I told Nora I was pleased with her work. It helps to keep grad. students motivated when they are trying to please you. Although I was suspicious of her. Anyhow when I returned to my office I found Steve and another Detective named Jai Tower waiting for me. Detective Jai Tower actively disliked me, we first met when the incident where I acquired the Monas Stone was investigated. She was a black woman who has been a track and field star in college, but decided to become a cop. I am not sure if she is Steve's partner or they just work together a lot, I am not really up on police procedures. Anyhow, we all ended up in my office. Steve got right to the point: "Tell me everything you know about the P.R. Group? They are an occult society of some sort." I answered truthfully: "Never heard of them, and no nothing about them." I heard Jai mutter: "I knew it, this was a waste of time." Sighted people often forget blind people hear everything, but she probably did not care she intensely disliked me. Steve then asked: "If you could ask around, I know you have sources. I would appreciate it." My first reaction was anger. What am I some sort of shady woman, or gangster moll that has entry to the underworld. I bit my tongue, I wanted to stay on Steve's good side. He had been very useful in the past, and I am attracted to him. so I lied: "Sure I promise."This was of course, a promise I had no intention of keeping. After I got home I thought I had successfully put the whole meeting and promise out of my mind, but the gods had different ideas. I took a long bath feeling both brilliant and adorable, them went to bed and fell asleep right away. You can imagine my surprise when I awoke floating in the dark dimension, surrounded by the Hounds of Tindalos. I had swallowed a gem called the Monas Stone that allows me to access other dimensions of reality. Reality is like a wave, our universe could be said to only exist at the top peaks of the wave; like the music on a F.M. wave. The bottom swings of the wave would be the dark dimension, and in between our universe and the dark dimension is the universe of the Elder Race. Each universe taking turns phasing in and out of existence as the wave oscillates. My blindness is not an issue in the dark dimension, because it is a universe of mind not matter. The entities of the dark dimension resemble autonomous thoughts, The Hounds are such entities. They appear like bat-like creatures with dog faces. Of course their appearance is only an analogy that my mind makes of their thought content. The leader of the pack made a mental connection with me, gentle as a domestic dog. The Hound had a message for me: "The Great One has heard your inquiry. Tomorrow you shall receive an audience with one who shall answer your questions." The meeting with the Hounds was over, and I fell back asleep. Sure enough when I got up in the morning there was a message on my phone from a man who called himself Randal Klaw, he specifically mentioned it was spelled with a "k". I was instructed to call back; Hugo wanted to meet with me. At this point I thought the Great One was Yog Sothoth, but I was mistaken. I called back even though I really did not want to, something told me this was not going to be a pleasant experience., but when demon-gods tell you what to do, you do it. It would turn out my bad feeling would be vindicated. Randal Klaw had a mature voice, but a firm voice. I was instructed to meet him outside my department building. I did remember to tell him I was totally blind, and to ask how I should dress. He received what I told him with indifference, and told me neither mattered. I got the impression that Klaw cared little for people or their problems. I had slipped into calling him Mr. Klaw, because of the authority he seemed to possess. Klaw had no problems with my blindness navigating me into the van that was driven by a silent associate of his. There were no preliminaries or greetings once I was in the van instead he told me: "Take off your glasses." I did as he told me, he continued: "They shall be returned to you after your audience with Hugo." I know this may seem strange to sighted people, but I could feel his cold eyes on me. He continued with a slight edge of amusement in his voice: "You are receiving a high honor in meeting Hugo." Finally we arrived, I was led inside some sort of structure, and was told to change into a light robe after removing all my clothes. I did as I was told. I also asked if there was any special etiquette I should observe during my audience with Hugo. This time I could tell he was really amused in his reply: "Hugo will instruct you." He then led me down a long narrow staircase, it seemed we were going underground, there were no crosscurrents of air flow. We finally came to what seemed an odd shaped room. When you are blind, you get used to echos, and the feel of rooms, this room seemed wrong. He led me to a spot somewhere in the center of the odd room, no chair, left standing. I could hear his footsteps ascending the staircase. I did not have long to wait. I felt sick, dizzy, I crumpled to the my knees, and then down flat on my belly. I vomited up the contents of my stomach. Then Hugo was there. Hugo was a Cthulhu spawn. One of Cthulhu's offspring, that can live in our universe, one of his soldiers, or should I say commanders. I had heard they existed, but never believed I would meet such an abomination. Hugo was a miniature of his Sire. Being blind did not affect my perception, my mind and all my senses had been taken over and dominated by Hugo. I fest pains, and shivers going through my body, a sickening smell in my nose, and a bitter taste in my mouth. I was completely dominated, I lay helpless on floor of that strange room. Like I said there was a mental link, so I had no need of sight to know how Hugo looked, the writhing face tentacles, the clawed hands and feet, the humanoid body with wings were all imprinted on my mind. Then my ears came under assault, Hugo spoke: "Greetings Necromancer, I see Yog Sothoth has found a new toy." I later learned that the title "Necromancer" was applied to Magi that served Yog Sothoth. His grating voice shattered what little emotional control I had left. I was scared, helpless, and dominated in mind and body. "You seek information on the P.R. Group: your questions shall be answered." I really did not want to know, but choice was long gone. Hugo continued: "You may wonder why I am called Hugo?" Again I really did not. His grating speech continued: " It is just a human name I like. As you know my real name is unspeakable in this Universe, but back to you inquiry. The P.R. Group is a society founded by Oswald Kroll, The purpose is to seek political power through the use of psychic power. Kroll is a very powerful psychic. He can project a glamour to alter his appearance; he can appear any way he wants to people. He has also acquired a relic of power, called the Carmilla dagger. A sort of vampire dagger that can steal memories when touched to people. It you are wondering about the name, the Magos who forged the dagger was a fan of the horror writer J.S. Lefanu. My High Priest Randal Klaw shall give you more information." Hugo paused I tried to grunt some show of gratitude, since I knew it was expected. Then Hugo continued: "Necromancer, I look forward to our next meeting" And Hugo was gone. Klaw arrived with a towel, he cleaned me up, and somehow got me up the staircase, I was still in a state of shock, and helpless. It was a shattering experience. I now understood the Great One the Hound was referring to was Cthulhu god of Domination and War. When began to recover and come around, I found myself seated at a table with a glass of water, with Klaw. Klaw told me to call him Randal, I had earned his respect. I guess by surviving my audience with Hugo. "Hugo like you. That was a great honor he showed you." Randal told me in an amused voice. he continued in his usual firm tone: "So you seek knowledge of Kroll and the P.R. Group?" I nodded my head automatically in affirmation. My mind was still in shock. Randal continued: "The P.R. in P. R. Group stands for psychic resistance. The group was founded by Oswald Kroll and Nick Edwards to try to gain political power through the use of psychic methods, they are still active. I used to know Kroll, he was a student of mine some years ago, but has since struck out on his own" He paused I guessed was supposed to say something, showroom I stammered out the comment question: "Was there a Renaissance alchemist by the name of Oswald Kroll?" I heard a mutter of approval, this time I could hear the smile in his voice: "You are very smart. Yes, it is an assumed name, just like he assumes appearances. He is skilled at deception. I am one of the few who knows his real appearance." I managed to stutter out: "What does he look like?" Randal went on: "He is short and slight, around five feet tall, he has blond hair, and blue eyes, but he always makes himself look taller and bigger. I manged to stutter out another question: "What about the name." Randal answered in a friendly tone: " Never knew it, As you know many people in the occult use assumed names. I am an example. Klaw is an assumed name shortened from Demonklaw. It is hard to be a respectable accountant and a High Priest of Great Cthulhu. So had to keep both lives separate till I was able to devote myself completely to my religion." He then gave me a stack of papers telling me they contained useful information. I got dressed back in my own clothes, and was helped into the van and driven home. The shock started to lessen on the ride home, it would seem to phase in and out. In one of my lucid phases in the ride it occurred to me maybe I was a shady woman. Randal was good enough to navigate me right to the door of my apartment. I sure I could have not made it on my own. I went directly to the shower, after a long hot shower I filled the tub and lunged around until the shock wore off. I know I should have called Steve right away, but even if the fate of the world depended on my information the world would have to wait until I felt clean again. Anyhow I did call Steve in the evening I was getting hungry, at least he could buy me dinner for what I went through. END OF PART 1

Misery never Ends

It all began with what many might call a religious experience. I would call it "meeting with your God." To briefly explain how I got into this situation, I acquired a gem called the Monas Stone which allows its possessors access to different dimensions of reality. It seems our universe is not the only universe. Reality is like a great wave, our universe is riding the crest of the wave. The easiest way to think about the multiverse is like an F.M. wave. Our universe only exists at the peaks of the wave, it then phases out of existence, and another universe phases into existence, this universe would be Lovecraft's realm of the Elder Race. The cosmos of the Elder Race seems to be an in between or intermediate universe. When it phases out of existence, at the low point of the wave, the dark dimension phases into existence, The is the realm of the Lovecraft Gods: the Great Old Ones. We do not notice these changes except in exceptional circumstances, because we literally cease to exist when our universe phases out, and then pick up when it phases back into existence. So there is no sense of time loss unless one can gain access to the other dimensions. Our universe is like the music you hear on the radio, it only the peaks of the wave. Through the use of the Monas Stone I have gained access to the two other universes or dimensions of reality, and this is where I met my God: Yog Sothoth. In my first experience with the Monas Stone I became a an ally or tool of Yog Sothoth, which helped me to gain possession of the Monas Stone. The previous owner has been allied to a different faction in the dark dimension. I guess we all have assumptions on how the voice of God sounds. The thundering of Zeus, or the soft whisper of Hermes, but neither was true for me. Instead, the words and the voice were supplied by me and the emotions and feelings by Yog Sothoth. The voice of Yog Sothoth was the same voice in my head as reading a book. I shall also try to give you some idea of the physical sensation of being in the presence of my god. I felt like a sphere that oscillates as part of a great wheel. Yog Sothoth is often described as being a configuration of lights, but since I am blind and have no light perception; I was born totally blind , is why I experience him as a wheel of oscillating spheres of which I was one. One of the promises of occultism is knowledge,this was my reward for acquiring the Monas Stone. I was being enlightened by Yog Sothoth. I shall try to relate some of what I learned, and what was asked of me. I must also add Yog Sothoth is a greater teacher than me, but that is not saying a lot. Yog Sothoth deserves more credit. I am an academic, philosophy professor at a Los Angeles university in our universe. The first thing I learned is that the Great Old Ones are nourished by the excessive emotions of our universe. Human emotions are considered calorie source of food to them. What I am trying to say is that our negative emotions become food for the Great Old Ones. This is why the Great Old Ones find turmoil and chaos in our universe a good thing. Anyhow the next up I was to learn about the Great Old Ones themselves. The most primal of the Great Old Ones is Azathoth; the blind idiot god. I briefly thought about objecting to "blind idiot" , but felt overwhelming sense of fear. Azathoth is the primal chaos, the ceaseless buzzing chaos of existence. Powerful beyond compare, but with no focus. He is the primal anarchy. Next come my god Yog Sothoth. Yog Sothoth does not care about pain or pleasure, good or evil. He only cares about intensity and novelty. He is the god of limitation, of focus, His purpose is to focus and intensify feelings and emotions, and to bring about new things, and situations into realization. This is why He is known as the opener of the gates. All paths are of course a limitation. Dread Cthulhu is the war-god of the pantheon. The god of domination and control. The attempt to control the chaos through the use of force. Subtle Nyarlathotep is the god of scenarios, we think in scenarios, so Nyarlathotep delights in creating twisted complex scenarios brought into realization. We now come to the female god of the pantheon: Shub Niggurath. This is the goddess of love. The trouble is we ignore the dark side of love and desire. Shub Niggurath delights in jealousy, envy, and crimes of passion. Then there is Dagon who would be equivalent of Pluto in Greek mythology. The god of riches, wealth, and the sea. Dagon is the only Great Old One who has no trouble existing in our universe. He lives deep in the ocean with his deep ones. Here are the gods of the greater pantheon. It seems there is no equality even among gods. So the next gods are of the lesser pantheon, and are inferior in strength. They are Yig, and Tsathaggua. Yig is the serpent god. The god of frustration, humiliation, and wisdom. Something to do with the first two leading to wisdom. While Tsahoggua is the god of death. Tsathoggua seeks an end to all reality. This was quite a revelation, but Yog Sothoth has a revelation for me. I asked if there were any good gods; like a god of compassion and caring? The answer came swift and sure: "What would a god of love or compassion want with you?" I was startled, Yog Sothoth continued: "There have been others that have acquired the knowledge you now have, and have made it their mission to try to free humanity from being the food for the Great Old Ones. That thought never occurred to you, Gwen" Anyhow I guess people get the god they deserve, and gods get the followers they deserve. Yog Sothoth also gave me a mission to save the life of a young artist, not because He cared about life or death, but because the artist was source of intensity and novelty, That is how this episode of my life started. I relaxed, and plunged back into our dimension, I was back in bed, back to my apartment, back to being Gwen Chu Blind philosophy professor. I am only an associate professor probably never get tenure, only teach tow introductory classes a semester. It was still early in the day. Even though I wanted to lounge around in a hot bath, I knew I had to get started. When a demon-god tells you to do something you do it. I looked up Jordan Munn on the computer, sure enough he was an up and coming artist. A painter like Rembrandt, or Picasso. The artist he was most often compared with was Vincent Van Gogh, but with a marked occult streak. Wonderful, I thought sarcastically, here I am totally blind getting involved with a painter. I emailed him, explaining that I am an occult scholar and philosophy professor, and had reasons to think he was in danger. I was surprised at how quickly he emailed me back, and how eager he was to accept my help. Anyhow he included his phone number so I called him. I introduced myself, and he related the following tale: "I was a mediocre artist till I started seeing a spiritual teacher and hypnotist by the name of Adrian Laband. The is when my talent really started to show, but now I am having visions or hallucinations of bat like creatures with dog faces. I also see them in my dreams." I knew at once he was seeing the Hounds of Tindalos from the dark dimension. He implored me: "Can you help me?" I answered more confidently than I felt: "I think so." We arranged for him to pick me up that evening. I would call and tell him later to tell him when I was ready. I forgot to mention I was blind, things were going just ducky. So I decided to since I had time to draw a bubble bath. I have never heard an philosophers admit that they do their best thinking in a hot bath, but them most philosophers are men. I do my best thinking in the tub with a scented candle, guess it is a girl thing. Anyhow I had a lot of thinking to do. Colors are one of those things that can almost induce panic in blind people. We do not know what to say, or think when the subject comes up. I have asked several sighted people about color, but they have all been surprisingly unhelpful. My first theory on color was that it represented solidity in the sense of sight, but of course that theory soon fell. The proverbial rose colored glasses is what destroyed that theory. When you put on tinted glasses everything takes on the color on the tint of the glasses. The theory I settled on was that color must be an analogy of texture, One of course cannot have solidity without texture. The tinted glasses would be like gloves that had a certain texture, so that everything you touched would also take on the texture. And texture like color pick up emotional associations, like red would be like a sharp texture. Associations of vividness and danger cling to both. I am telling all this for two reasons. The first is to show how reluctant I was about this mission, and I also decided while luxuriating in the tub that this would be the subject of my first book. The tentative title: "The Visual Bias in Thinking". I must admit it was producing intensity. After I got out of the tub I read about Van Gogh, since that was the artist most compared to Jordan Munn, and for both the vivid colors were always a topic. Anyhow evening did come. I decided I should try to look the part, so I wore nylons, heels, short skirt and a red top. I sew in markers to tell me the color of my clothes even though I really have no idea of color, I guess it is a way to try to pass for sighted. I have found out the more I know about the sighted world the better off I am. That is why I have become a student of the sighted world, a sort of alien intruder; a blind interloper in the sighted world. He was prompt, and scared, he even seemed cool with my blindness. I guess sighted people think blind people have weird powers. With some help and instructions form me he managed to navigate me to his car. I had taken my folding cane, I only take the straight cane when I am travelling independently. We went to his place. He described to me his visions of the bat-like creatures with dog faces, I assured him I knew of these entities. After a brief interview I suggested that we venture into the dark dimension. I had the Monas Stone with me, as a matter of fact I had swallowed it after I gained possession of it, because the police were soon to be at the scene when I took possession of the Stone. Me gaining possession of the Stone had meant the death of the previous owner. Later, I found out that swallowing the Stone had been the reason the last witch-doctor who has possessed the Stone had lost his sight. The Stone becomes part of you when you swallow it. The Stone has become part of me, and would be found in my skull after I was dead. The next owner would either have to kill me or dig up my corpse to gain possession. So he took my hand, and I concentrated making a mental connection with Jordan, and accessing the dark dimension. Accessing the dark dimension is like going over a roller coaster drop, but without the G forces. He clung to me mentally. The Hounds appeared, I calmed Jordan, and learned what I needed to know from the Hounds. I brought us back, and we were again sitting in Jordan's living room. He was shaken, probably visibly, but me cue was his timid voice; he asked: "Did you learn anything that can help me?" I replied with some authority in my voice, for now he cleanly thought I was someone who could help: "I learned a lot, and shall do all I can to help" Sounding more confident than I felt. I really had learned some of the key pieces of the puzzle, but I need a lot more information. So I asked: "Can you give me a tour of your house and studio?" The reply was prompt and sure: "No problem, my house and studio are connected, We can do it now." I has to instruct him on how to lead a blind person, and encouraged him to talk; to describe everything in detail. I told him that people who go blind go through stage, there are also seem to be stages for a sighted person on interacting with a blind person. That in the first stage everything seems amazing. People have actually asked me how I comb my hair! He laughed. He was relaxing. I like him, he seemed bright, which I find attractive. The second stage is when the sighted person forgets the person is blind. Like people asking me to look at photos. He laughed again, we were getting along well. This is also the stage where the sighted person get reminded by incidents like walking into a dark room. I was impressed Jordan was a quick learner and had a wonderful sens of humor. He led me around the house describing various objects, being an artist he was wonderful at describing in detail. He even described the colors of things, I did not stop him I have found the more I know about the sighted would the better off I am. Some of the objects were gifts or belonged to his fiancee. I asked about her. He told me he had met her through Laband; that she was his niece.This started a chain of ideas in me. One of the things she had given him was a .38 caliber snub nosed revolver. I asked to "see" it. He showed me how it worked and how to load it. He also showed me where he kept it in the bedroom. We then went into the studio, by this time we were having a good time. He told me his artistic hero was Vincent Van Gogh. He described some of his pictures to me. I was reminded of the philosopher George Berkeley. Berkeley wrote about how a person has to learn to see, to use the sense of vision. That seeing is a skill, being blind is also a skill. A difficult one, especially when you are trying to compete in the sighted world. Like many blind people I used to feel a sense of lacking something compared to sighted people. Until, I realized how much more difficult skill it is being blind in a sighted world. I have dared several sighted people to try to get from their house to any place they usually walk to being blindfolded and without help, so far no one has taken the dare. An idea was beginning to form in my mind. I asked Jordan: "When is your next session with Adrian Laband?" Hi answered promptly: "Every Wednesday night, Do you think that has something to do with the visions?" " I have to investigate all possibilities" I replied. At that Jordan took me home. Before going to bed I read all I could on Van Gogh, and yes it did feel odd reading about a painter who was know for his vivid colors. When I got up the next mourning, I called Detective Steve Jenkins. Steve Jenkins has been the investigating officer of the incident when I acquired the Monas Stone. He did not trust me, he thought I lied and misled him in the investigation, and used my blindness as an alibi. Of course this was all true, but I did not know anyone else to call. He took the call and agreed to meet me. We met at the coffee house near my apartment. Steve is a good policeman in his mid thirties, I have been told he has light brown hair, and is an extremely good looking guy. After some preliminaries, there are a lot of trust issues between us. I explained my theory regarding Jordan Munn. He agreed to help me. I called Jordan up, and set up a meeting with him for that evening. We agreed to meet at the coffee house. He was there before I arrived. I like people who are punctuate, blindness make one more organized; sighted people can live with a lot more chaos in their lives. Like I said blindness is more of a skill than a disability. I asked him about his fiancee Laband's niece Genice, and he told me: "She is in New York trying to get my paintings into some of the high end galleries, and she is setting up a showing for next month of my stuff. She has taken over as my business manager." I also asked about Laband. It seems Jordan had nothing but admiration for Laband. He was the man who had brought out his talent. So I did not tell him my suspicions. Instead, I told him I wanted to spend the night to hold a vigil after his next secession, because I thought the hypnotism attracted the occult entities. So I wanted to be there monitor and protect him from them. The Sunday before the fateful Wednesday Steve came over to my apartment, he had what I asked him for. It was still awkward, he still did not trust me, but it was getting better. I confirmed his opinion that I was not helpless, he had never bought my helpless blindness act. Which I liked since I am attracted to smart men. I actually got a hug from him. I wanted to get an idea how he looked, so that is why I insisted on the hug. He was as advertised one rock hard hunk of man. The rest of the days leading up to Wednesday were uneventful. Wednesday night come, and Jordan picked me up after his session with Laband. It was late and he was tired; he could barely stay awake. Before going to bed he asked me: "Is there anything you need or want before I go to sleep?" I replied: "Did you do as I asked and kept everything where is was when I was here before? Being blind I like to know where things are, moving furniture or anything just causes me problems." I explained, of course I had another reason also. He replied that he had everything was in the same place is was when I had visited before. He went to bed and I sat on the couch in his living room. It did not take long to hear the rhythmic breathing of sleep coming from the bedroom. As soon as I was sure he was deep asleep I slipped off my shoes and went into the bedroom and made the changes I wanted to make. Never even interrupted his sleep, I had done my best to memorized the house last visit. As I said blindness is a skill, it is also a skill I am very good at. It did not take long; I heard Jordan get up. I made my way into the bedroom. I heard Jordan speak in a voice of the deepest despair I have ever herad: "The misery never ends!" Then came the sound of the gunshot it was amplified by the small room. I yelled: "Jordan are you alright?" I heard Jordan's bewildered voice: "What is happening?" I was right, I explained: " You tried to shoot yourself" Again I he spoke sounding very confused but also very agitated: "I am holding a the gun. How come I am not dead or bleeding?" I explained finally feeling confident: "I substituted blanks for the live rounds in the gun. I had a detective friend check out Adrian and Genice Laband. It turns out they are not related, in fact they are lovers, and were trying to kill you. By using a post hypnotic suggestion making you think you were Van Gogh. "misery never ends" were Van Gogh's last words. It seems your paintings are worth a lot more if you are dead." " How did you know?" he asked, again I explained: "The creatures you were having visions of the Hounds were trying to protect you, and not harm you. So I knew the danger you faced was not extra-dimensional but a danger very much of this world. The Hound by scarring you held the despair at bay." We relaxed, and later Steve called they had picked up Adrian and Genice with a phony will making Adrian the sole heir and executor of Jordan's estate and work.